April 24th.  It rained all day and when the gray haze went down to night the rain turned to sloppy wet snow.  And while this is not unprecedented for the area it still makes you stop dead when you look out the window.  No chance of accumulation but it's still unpleasant to see this late.  Someone needs to tell the magic weather fairy to ease up.

The weather was a reflexion of my inner corruption.  Rotten day.
Watched a horror movie called "The Mist".  I wish I hadn't.  Just not in the mood.  And the best part of the whole thing was when they shot the religious zealot in the head.

Can you imagine sitting around thinking about all the possible ways you could die and wondering which one will get you?  Well that's what my day was like.  I need a mental vacation.

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My mother just returned from visiting my brother and his family.  They've got four boys under the age of 8.  I get tired just thinking about it.  She booked the flight ages ago during a seat sale.

My sister and her husband are going to Daytona for two weeks tomorrow.  They share a condo with her husband's brother's family.  She really looks forward to it.  I hope the weather is good while they're there.

I've often wondered what a vacation would be like.  I suspect my husband could use one right about now.  He's never had one either.  The likelihood of it ever happening are zero at this point.  The most immediate issue being a POS car that we've got to get running again.
Apparently I jumped the gun when I said it was headed for the junk heap.  It didn't make it that far yet.  There seems to be some hope of reviving the patient but I think that's overly optimistic.  Oh I'm sure it can be done.  But a transmission for the POS is 3800$.  Which is more that it is worth.  Which is more than it was ever worth.  Have I mentioned I hate this fucking car?  Because I do.

DH [that's short for dear husband for those who aren't familiar] is tired, irritable and stressed.  He has a lot on his mind.  Which is why I can forgive him for being a total ass this evening.  But he turns tired and cranky into "You always" or "You never " or he'll find a reason to use his favorite phrase "You know what? Fuck it!".  Usually followed by him breaking something and pretending not to care.  Like we don't have enough broken computer parts stacked from end to end of the apartment already.

The cat is waiting for me to go to bed.  She likes to flop down next to me or on her climbing post and make impatient noises every five minutes.  She knows it's time.  She's waiting for me to go to the kitchen and put her night time snack in the bowl.  She also knows DH is in bed so it's time I was going as well.

I don't sleep well.  Neither does he.  I expect we both need to get more exercise but that's true anyway. I also grind my teeth at night.  I've been doing it since I was a child.  It's always given me problems but now it's beginning to take a toll on my teeth.  I've lost one and am in danger of losing another.  I'm breaking them.  Do you believe that?  The dentist asked why no one had done anything about it when I was a child.  Good question doc.  I do recall my parents getting after me a few times.  They didn't like the weird noises I made in my sleep.  Apparently you could hear it all over the house. I've often wondered what that would sound like.

I guess the cat has waited long enough.  Come on cat.  Let's eat.

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And nothing much has changed.
Or everything has.  Depends on how you look at it.

We're down to one chinchilla, one cat and one guinea pig and the guinea pig isn't feeling well.  After Bandit we lost Skeeter and Gizmo.  A mated pair of chins.  The female passed after some illness and her little mate simply could not live without her.  He died a week later.  Very sad indeed.

The war in the middle east is ongoing.  The US military is all but spent and so is the treasury but that's ok with the reslug dictatorship that runs the place like their daddy's business.  I wouldn't care so much but they're like a neighboring willow that has it's tentacle roots wrapped around our own, strangling us slowly.  It's very much a "If we go down we're taking you with us" kind of relationship now.
It's been more than obvious that our government was bought and paid for by 'merkan reslugs ages ago.  Piglet harper and his porcine posse have yet to force Canada into a major commitment in the middle east but they are still playing the public with that bullshit about how our soldiers are "Peace Keepers".  Yeah.  Show me how you keep peace in the middle of a war zone? 
We get it.  It's the best lie you could bother to come up with.
Fuck you too.

We've been to the states twice to visit.  It's usually a major health crisis that sends us flying down there.  This time was no different.  DH's mom gave us her old car.  That was nice of her.  She can't drive any more so she thought we could use it.  It made it all the way back here and then promptly died.  We scraped the money together to get it going again only to have it fall to pieces two weeks later.
I'm glad it's getting warmer now.  At least it won't be freezing cold while we're walking.  For a while.

Gas is hovering at $1.30/L. depending on where you buy it and the warm weather is only just upon us.  I can imagine it will go a lot higher once the summer travel season is upon us.  The result of that being no travel for most.  We'll be lucky if they continue to truck to retail outlets if it gets much worse.  There are already problems with the supply line due to the fuel crisis.  Then there's Monsanto and it's seed empire and the fact that some idiots want to replace all our food crops with corn for totally inviable biodiesel.
You'll forgive me if I lack optimism.
But I do not welcome neofeudalism.  Where we're all just serfs to the global megamarkets and their owners.

In a previous post I remarked that I was going to ignore the rest of the world and focus on my own reality.  Not an easy task I will tell you.  In fact it's pretty much impossible.  But I suspect I could do without most of the propaganda spew that is blasted at me daily via TV.  So I have stopped watching it almost altogether.

My husband and I do have some shows we enjoy but we both find the commercials and constant interruptions so offensive that we simply can't bear to watch any more.  So we download all our viewing material and avoid the rest.  No news, no commercials and other than the questionable viewing we choose, no crap.
I have to say it has helped.
I recommend it to everyone.  I'm not missing a thing.  Anything I'm that desperate to see I can find on Youtube any way.

I have no idea if I'll maintain this blog any better than I ever have. So I might be back tomorrow and I might be back sometime next year.
Either way I've got to go now.  I've got to try and find the cash to get the POS car towed to a junk heap.  It really is painful losing your only means of transportation but I'll be glad to be rid of the bloody miserable thing.

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That's what I've decided.
It's my reality and I don't have to acknowledge anything else if I don't want to.
Why not?
I mean that's what the neocon thugs who run the dictatorship in the states do.  Don't try to tell me otherwise.

"Friends of his from Texas were shocked recently to find him nearly wild-eyed, thumping himself on the chest three times while he repeated “I am the president!” He also made it clear he was setting Iraq up so his successor could not get out of “our country’s destiny.”

If that isn't absolute proof that the draft dodging, coke snorting, alcoholic, misogynist, racist, xenophobic chimp they elevated to dictator has lost what tiny little piece of brain it had left I don't know what is. 

The point is that no matter how horrible things get, no matter how many people suffer and die, none of these eliteist thugs seem to notice.  It does not register in their reality.  The displacement of 2 million people isn't even a blip on the radar and the death of thousands of american troops is more a cause for annoyance than concern.  Mostly because they don't like having to deal with grieving families.  It slows down the pillage and looting of the foreign country they are occupying.

My problem is this: I happen to be one of those strange people who actually gives a damn.  It matters to me that Iraqi people are being murdered.  It matters to me that service people are dying for no reason.  It matters to me that the slave owners in charge enjoy all the benefits and none of the costs of war.  It matters to me that they seem to want to pretend that none of it is even going on and worse, that it's none or our business and we should just leave them alone to do whatever they like.

Well after years of fighting against it I am taking the recommendation seriously.  I'm done.  I'm conducting my own withdrawal.  I am retreating into my own reality.  If shrub can do it why can't I?  The major difference being that in my reality it's not cool or funny when people die.

I'm lucky in a lot of ways.  I'm married to a guy who really cares about me.  We are kindred spirits.  We have pets we love and we have a warm, cozy, wonderful place to live in a small, quiet little town located just slightly east of the middle of nowhere.  In the winter there's skiing and in the summer there's a beach.  We are extremely limited in our means which is a polite way of saying we are dirt poor but we always have enough to eat and the ten year old car is still on the road. 
It's really a pretty nice little reality and I feel fortunate to be part of it.  I'm glad I will be living here full time from now on.

Goodbye to war.  Goodbye to propaganda crap that passes for news.  Goodbye to world, politics, country, war, genocide, pandemics and global warming.  In my reality, none of these things exist.
What is the point in living in a reality where I can effect no change and no one gives a damn what I do or say when I can live in a reality where it actually makes a difference when I volunteer and help out?  Think small is my new motto.

I will do the very best I can to make my little slice of reality the best it can be.  Everything within the sphere of my existence will be important.  Anything outside of it will be discarded.
And I feel better already.

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It's been a while since I have posted but I have a moderately good excuse. Not long after my last post my hard drive decided to join my little friend Bandit but in a much more dramatic fashion. In other words it died a horrible death taking everything with it in a final act of revenge against me.
Being a serious technophile and part time web developer I had a large amount of pertinent data stored on my system. Now before the more cynical among you snicker and comment that anyone with a brain would have that much data backed up, let me say that I did have a backup. Unfortunately it was from two month ago so it does not contain any of the most recent additions. Ok. Now you can laugh.

It took me about two solid days before I was able to come to grips with the loss. I am Bandit's recent loss along with my still painful memories of losing everything in a robbery increased the emotional impact of the HD crash considerably. Since then it has been a slow march back to the point where I even wanted to look at this blog. However since I seem to be back again I guess I can conclude that I have recovered from the shock.

Valentine's day has come and gone. The celebrated day that was once a pagan fertility festival, was unsuccessfully usurped by the catholic church, and remains today as a staple in the marketing calendar for debeers and hallmark. Given the fact that Valentine died as a martyr to the supposed sanctity of marriage you'd think the homophobic fundie right-wing nut-jobs would adopt him as their figurehead for their march against progress.
I would like pause here and note that I use the term "homophobic" under protest and only because the dull nature of the public mind has accepted the bastardized meaning of the word. If you trace the etymology of the term you will discover that it actually means "An irrational or unreasoning fear of other people" For a further explanation of what I am talking about go here. Also suggesting someone is 'homophobic' sounds so passive and harmless. Like the poor dear needs to be helped because they've got this terrible fear of homosexuals. If you want to be more precise in your designation you need to start calling them 'Anti-gay' or the equally apt 'hate mongers'.

In other news we appear to be one of the only places in North America that has avoided being buried under a blanket of ice and snow. I watched the forecast for days as the mass of heavy weather roiled across the continent waiting for the inevitable pounding we would receive. But it was not to be. In spite of the size of the storm and the frigid temperatures locally the weather remained calm and clear. The forecast continued to push the chance of snow ahead day after day until finally the possibility of precipitation was upon us.
It did snow. For about half an hour. Then it turned to freezing rain. The winds were extremely high last night. The power went out locally but was almost immediately restored. And in the end the day dawned cloudy but clear. Another storm had hit the coast and fallen apart leaving us with some slush and the longing for a much needed snow day. The good news is the roads are mostly clear and the snow we did have is almost gone. I only wish it was a little warmer. I cannot wait for the return of spring..

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It's been a few days since the last entry to my continuing dialogue on the local weather. It's not that it's been calm and warm, because it hasn't, but as often happens in life more important things have taken precedent.

Yesterday evening one of our beloved chinchillas, Bandit [aka: the Frito Bandito] passed away. We noticed last week that he had slowed down and wasn't really eating. We did everything we could to try and nurse him back to health but it was no use. He was shivering on the bottom of his pen yesterday so we snuggled him up in soft warm cloth and held him. We called around to what vets are available on a Sunday night here in the middle of nowhere land and were told that the best they could do for us was to agree to examine him but from the symptoms we described it was unlikely he wouldlast much longer. They were right.

We held him to provide warmth and comfort. He seemed to appreciate the warmth because he had been shivering in his little hutch. Usually not one for snuggling Bandit took full advantage of the warm dark bower we had created for him. He lay in our arms for several hours until he had what I can only describe as a seizure. After that he was still but for his breathing and we realized that Bandit had had a stroke, a not uncommon result when chinchillas have an illness, and he would not be coming back. He lay for a while laboring to breathe. That bothered me the most. All but gone, his body hung on as long as it could. I cannot stand the thought that he suffered at all. Thankfully he did not continue long after that. His breathing slowly subsided, he gave a shudder and finally was still.

We sat with him for a long time after that. Just patting him and talking to him and telling him how much we would miss him and how sorry we both were that his life had been so short. He was only four. Just an adolescent in the chinchilla world where they can live as long as 25 years and the average life span is over 10yrs. Bandit had black fur rather than the common gray. I can only imagine his breeding had contributed to his small size. He as only half as large as our other chins. But he made up for it with spunk. Chinchillas are quick, active and spry little animals. They're known jumpers and climbers and when they take off you'd better have your running shoes on. Bandit could run with the best of 'em. He was the quickest of all the chins and the most acrobatic. He also had a habit of forcing himself into tight spaces and falling asleep. Much to our surprise. Once we found him pressed between the pen and the wall asleep. From then on his nick name was "Pelt, the wonder chin". Our little contortionist.

Bandit was a sweet little guy. He came to live with us in the fall of '02 when he was only about 9months old.  He was friendly and personable but not fond of being held. Although he had no problem having a seat on your lap or next to you on the arm of a chair. He just didn't want anything to slow him down I guess. It is unfortunate that he was a bit of an outcast. Our other chins get along but none of them were particularly fond of Bandit. They would chase him and later bark at him when he got out to play alone. I never understood why he irritated them so much. But he made friends with our guinea pig and even had a thing going with the cat where they would play 'catch the tail'. She would sit on top of his pen and he would try to crab her tail through the mesh. She would curl and uncurl her tail and he would try to sneak up on her and catch it while she wasn't looking. I know you may be thinking .oO(they weren't playing) but I promise you, they were.

It's hard to accept that we will never see Bandit again. I loved him more than I can adequately express. The loss is deeply felt.
Unfortunately since Bandit was a pet I can expect no understanding or sympathy from anyone. I'm sure people will tell me they are sorry, those that don't laugh or make stupid ignorant comments about replacing him. It's times like these when I am reminded that the current convention in human society is not to acknowledge the sentience or value of any life other than human. Even those strange few who wrongly assume a pet is some kind of child substitute are devaluing the importance and individuality of the animal. They are not replacements for anything. They are important and loved and valued as they are. Besides, who in their right mind would want a kid?

Rest In Peace Bandit. I know you crossed the rainbow bridge to discover joy and friends and peace, but we who are left behind will always miss you.

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Well it's Friday and the weather guy did not disappoint me. The rain has arrived. Unfortunately the temperature while certainly higher than it's been all week is not the originally promised high of 5°. It's actually only 1°. Which is certainly better than the -20° it was yesterday evening but it's not nearly high enough to assist the rain in melting the snow.
Well, most of the snow. Anything near a street has already been turned to a nasty brown soup of snow, ice and dirty water. Slush. Yet another of the many joys of winter.
I guess I shouldn't complain. It's melting although not nearly as quickly as I'd like. The good news, depending on how you look at it is that the forecast is calling for heavy showers over night. Meaning that most of the snow will be gone tomorrow... replaced by flooded sidewalks, slushy roads and swampy back yards. Not exactly the most ideal situation but as long as the end result is a significant lack of snow, I'll be happy.
It's not going to last though. I noticed that the long range forecast is calling for clear skies until next Wednesday at which time we're going to have a storm of freezing rain and ice pellets.
Hoorah.
It's at this point that my hopes lean in to the possibility that the weather guy is smoking crack and we're actually due for another stint of unseasonable warmth. Hey I can dream can't I?
In the mean time I guess I can enjoy the slightly melty weather we're having. Besides the horrible mess it makes of the roads it does create some extremely interesting ice art.  Icicles.  Which while fun to look at for everyone else speaks of a heat loss problem for the home owner in question. A common issue with the older homes in the area. They're all so large that most owners have cut them up into apartments. They add mini kitchens and new entrances but do nothing about the sinking floors and ancient roofs. The end result is a really nice little apartment with lots of character on the inside and something that looks like the picture on the right on the outside.
My next door neighbors. I can only imagine the size of the icicles hanging on this place. I may go out and check later just to take some pictures. But then again that would require going out into the mess and I'd rather avoid that if I can. One of the few perks of being a hermit.

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When I die I want a beautiful headstone.
I don't care if you wrap me in duct tape and throw me in the hole upside down just give me a beautiful headstone.
I want it to have that old world gothic factor. Skulls or skeletons should be present. Reaper figures a plus. I don't want a cross. But a cross on the stone is ok I guess as long as it is integral to the art. Though I don't know how that will fly with my current "I'll believe in god when it tells me to." attitude.
I don't want a flat stone. Those ridiculous new little stepping stones that they force people to accept so the keepers of the boneyard can save on upkeep and grooming. No way. When I die I want a proper upright standing stone. No size or height restrictions. Though I'd never want anything too large. That would beas bad as a flat stone. After my name and the pertinent dates I'd like it to say something witty or wise. Perhaps done in the style of the rhymes found on old English headstones.

Death is a debt
by nature due
I've paid my shot
and so must you.
--Surrey, New Hampshire, 1800

Stranger, stop and cast an eye,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so you will be,
Prepare for death and follow me.
--Unknown

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Well it's finally winter here. I reported yesterday that we had only gotten minimal snow and some chilly weather in the face of the storm front that was sweeping across the continent.
Today I must report that we have now received approximately 1.5 feet of snow [more or less depending on where you live in the area] and the mercury is currently settled at -20 !!
The weather site is also saying that it "feels like" -40 !! Now THAT'S more like it. This is what winter in Atlantic Canada is supposed to feel like. Not all the time. But the middle of January is supposed to feel like... well the middle of January and not like the first buds of spring are around the corner.
I may sound happy and even thrilled about it but that's only because it's not going to last. No the forecast has already predicted that by Friday it will be +5 and rainy. So I'll 'enjoy' the snow and the nostalgic ride down frozen memory lane for a day or two. That's enough for me anyway. Like taking a vacation to the arctic. "Wasn't that fun? Wasn't that cold? Sure am glad we're back to warmer climes though."

Here's hoping that the weather guy has his ducks in a row. I'd hate to be disappointed. As much as I enjoy watching my southern husband deal with the cold I'll be glad when we get back to the 'globally warmed' winter. Not only is it more comfortable, it's a lot easier on the power/heating bills.

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People laugh about it but it's true. While the rest of North America digs itself out from a recent ice/snow storm that has killed 30 so far and left large parts of cities without power we enjoyed a snowfall that produced 4 inches of wet snow that will be gone if not in the next day or two then certainly with the rain on the weekend.
After years of winter that lasted from October to April I can honestly say I'm not at all perturbed by the change in the climate. Summer is warmer, starts earlier and lasts longer. Winter is shorter and produces less and less snow every year. What's not to like?

Don't misunderstand me. I'm concerned about global warming. I'm more than a little concerned about the fact that a large chunk of the arctic recently broke away and started drifting and melting into the ocean. I'm upset about the continuing dependence on fossil fuels and the fact that no real progress or efforts have been made toward finding a new source of power. I'm very bothered by the fact that the corporate community seems determined to undermine all efforts to make any kind of change in the world.
But I had an epiphany recently and because of it I decided to give up worrying about the planet and let it take care of itself.

It doesn't matter how many petitions I sign or politicians I influence or marches I take part in or pop cans I recycle. The tiny piece-meal efforts made by green groups and various individuals will make no difference in the long run. Not because the efforts are worthless, but because the conglom that is the global corporate society and it's government butt-buddies are using all their money, machinery and influence to undermine all of us.

So I stopped worrying about it. I stopped watching the news and in general, I stopped caring. The world is on a path to destruction. When it happens their will be global catastrophes like pandemics and mass deaths and extreme earth changes like floods and earthquakes.
Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people. Maybe even all of us. But that's when I pause and realize that it will take all those "more money than brains" corporate/politico jackasses with it. And if that isn't enough to make a pessimist smile, what is?

Yes, the earth is changing. It's more than likely we could do something about it if the right people changed a few things. But it won't happen. The desire for power and money are greater than all other motivators. They'd rather spend the next 20 years suing people for daring to suggest global warming is a reality rather than doing something to stop it.
Only when the reaper is at the door will they finally look around and realize the opportunity to help themselves has long passed.

I've decided not to spend the next few years worrying about climate change. Instead I intend to enjoy it. When the waves of the rising ocean cover my home, I'll just surf the apocalypse into the sunset.

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